Now I've done it..

Before I tell you about my idiot idea from yesterday, let me explain some stuff..

The last surgery I had on my low back, didn't take, no fusion. As a result, things are even worse in there now, than before the surgery. The small joints that help the spine move, and also hold the vertebrae in place, are severely degenerated. That vertebrae now moves. That's called instability. When I stand, it gets worse, moves more, and squishes the nerves that leave the spine. My surgeon really doesn't want to go back in, I've already been cut into at that same level 4 times. Other than all this causing a lot of pain, the surgeries have left my *core* muscles in very bad shape.

I went and had those joints injected. It hurt. ~It didn't help.
I started here with my local pain clinic. They did trigger point injections.. into 4 or 6 spots, it was easy. It helped the burning in my low back... for almost two whole days. ~It didn't help.

I'm on a lot of medications.. they keep me moving, but not much else.

I am so frustrated and angry, I'm getting nowhere. So.. I took things into my own hands yesterday. I had ordered some DVD's with Pilate's Exercises. Pilate's were developed for patients that were bed ridden, to help them strengthen those *core* muscles. So, I figured, if people who were so bad they were confined to bed could do them, certainly *I* could.

I got about 15 minutes in, before my legs and back started shaking (spasming) uncontrollably.. and that's when I stopped. I was sore last night. Especially the hip that hurts from a herniation, but not anything I couldn't tolerate.

Well, things are much different this morning. Wednesdays are my mornings to get up with the kids so Scott can sleep in. As soon as I woke up, I knew I was in trouble. I had to log roll to get to a sitting position. Sat there and grabbed my pants with my toes. It was very difficult to get my legs into them. I was afraid to stand and add weight. Up I got. Searing knife like pain shoots threw my low back. I hurt everywhere. (the exercises use a ball, and the outside of my hand hurts from holding it! how pitiful is that?!)

I got the kids up, got to the kitchen, took my meds and sat down. Miss M made me some coffee.. (she loves to do that) I haven't gotten up again.

Scott is off today, it's errand day. On top of that, I've got to go to an IEP for my Son at 1pm and have a counsellor coming at 2.

It's been 90 minutes since I woke up.. i'm going to try to get over to the coffee. Meds should have kicked in by now.. guess I need to decide if I have to call the Doc and get more steroids.
God, there is a love/hate thing with steroids, they help, but make me an emotional mess. What a choice.